Dear Mother,
Dad’s
getting re-married and I’m fine with that.
I really like her and she has the same glow you had. She’ll take care of him. Brother and I had it rough growing up without
you. Other people tried to step in but I
feel like for each new “mom” we grew more distant from the kind of emotions you’re
supposed to have with a mother. Dad did
his best, I know that and I’m forever grateful to him for how he raised me. And
Brother and I ended up fine. But Dad just doesn't understand what to do when my
best friend dies or when the woman I love informs me that it’s time to stop
seeing each other. I really wanted a mother’s
touch but no one can bring that no matter how they try!
I know,
I know it partially my fault but I don’t want anyone replacing you. I don’t know why you left me at 10 and I don’t
know why I miss you I didn't really know you that well. Really the only thing I remember is that you
were crafty and creative and planned cool parties but also you had a really bad
temper… like when you yelled at Brother and me for putting dishes in the
strainer the wrong way, or the fact that if I dream about you it’s a nightmare
and not a dream.
I know
you’re not mad at me though don’t worry it is just what my 10 year old mind
chooses to remember. I mean this year Brother
will officially be living most of his life without you. I've been there for 3 years though. No mother to say I love you. No magical mommy’s kiss to heal wounds. No shoulder to cry on when Dad doesn't understand. These things I've gotten use to though, I just bottle it all up inside and about once
every couple years I let it go and some person gets the brunt of my rage and sadness
that I keep inside.
I've
learned how to bite my tongue and contain my rage and even how to fight back
the tears through lots of practice. I
lost my faith and I’m trying to find it now.
I feel your presence now and again and I miss you more than ever.
Love,
Your Son
***
Dear Andy,
Bro! I
miss you! I’m sorry for falling out
before you past away. I’ve blamed myself
for being a part of the reason you’re gone.
I’m friends with your sister on Facebook she seems to be doing well and
so are our mutual friends.
It was
hard breaking the news to one of our friends who didn’t know. He ran into me a couple years after you died
and asked if we ever did get a band together… we both loved music so much. I told him you had died and my heart just
about dropped out of my chest when I realized he didn’t know.
Love ya bro!
Your Friend
Oh yeah! I started
playing guitar too. Just acoustic right
now but every time I pick it up I feel as if you're listening somehow.
***
Dear Grandpa,
There
has been a shortage of bad jokes since you left. I miss being able to see you and I still
remember the advice you gave me. I didn't
cry over you and for that I’m sorry but enough people were crying and I figured
you were happy to be with Nana again.
You were the first person who I was able to watch death approach on. I don’t want to die like that. But you seemed to be enjoying it. At least
calling all your lady friends and making sure they didn't worry about ya.
I want to
be strong like you and have a legacy of family just like you have. I hope the dancing is great in heaven and I hope
your warming up some partners for me when I get there.
Love you,
Your Grandson
***
